"This test result comes as a big shock to us in the Honkers organization", said Honker General Manager Dan Litzinger. "I really can't comment any further until I sit down and talk with Slider personally."
"This is the first time anyone has suspended a mascot to my knowledge", said Northwoods League owner Dick Radatz Jr. "But we want our fans to know we run a clean league, free from performance enhancing drugs from top to bottom, and that includes our mascots.
One person who was not surprised by the positive test was Nick Riviera, a Mayo Clinic doctor and long time Honker fan.
"I got suspious when I started seeing all the telltale signs of HGH use", said Riviera. "The large head size, the increased acne, which I actually initially thought were frayed stitches in his head until i saw him covering it up with whiteout before a game."
The Mankato MoonDogs Muttnik, a fellow Northwoods League mascot chimmed in on the news.
"This news is pretty RUFF", said Muttnik. "If you told me last week that Slider was using HGH, I would have said you were barking up the wrong tree, but now I don't know. His head has gotten more appealing to chase over the last couple of years. I've got a lot to circle around three times, lay down and think about."
Phone calls to the home of Slider were not returned as of the time of this printing.
