Novelty shop sues fashion designers.

Edwin Jacobson of Jacobson's Joke and Novelty filed papers today in Civil Court, suing Gucci, Versace and a list of other fashion sunglasses designers over patent infringement.

Jacobson claims that he created and patented the first pair of over-sized novelty sunglasses in the 1970's for Elton John. Jacobson states in the lawsuit that recent sunglasses designs are a play off of his patented design.

"I created a set of comically over-sized sunglasses back in the 80's," said Jacobson. Look around today at all the women wearing that ridiculous design. It was obviously stolen from me!"

Jacobson says he is suing for $100 million dollars for patent infringement.

"I think Jacobson has a case here," said Humor News Network legal correspondent Heath Miller. "Jacobson's ridiculous over-sized design looks very close to the current trend in eye-wear. It would behoove the designers to save money and settle out of court. The designers would be able to recoup those losses almost immediately since the only thing more ridiculous than the sunglasses design, are their prices."

Phone calls to Gucci and Versace were not immediately returned.

Ben Nelson
Correspondent
Humor News Network

Local mans swamp ass replaces Everglads as largest swamp.

Mankato, Minn - Kyle Perkins always knew he had a fat ass, but with Mondays heat index climbing over 110 degrees in the Mankato area, his rump is breaking records and drawing national attention. As of 12pm the heat had caused Perkins' swamp ass to grow just shy of the 1.4 million, the same size as everglades national park.
With temperatures and humidity levels expect to sustain for the rest of the day, Perkins swamp ass will eclipse the size of the everglades and own claim to the largest swamp in the United States.

"The A/C is on the fritz," said Perkins. "I usually use gold bond to keep things under control, but this morning I forgot it at home."

Local Minnesota politicians are already pushing to make Perkins swamp ass part of the National Park system.

"We must protect our wild areas," said one local congressman. "Scientists have already identified three endangered species in Perkins' swamp ass. Who knows what other things we may find."

People always said I had a stick up my ass," said Perkins. "I just never thought gators would be sunning themselves on it."

Perkins swamp ass is also drawing attention from the History Channel, creators of the cable television show "Swamp People". The shows cinematographer Alex Rappoport has already ventured to Minnesota to investigate Perkins for a possible spin-off.

"It is a definite possibility," said Rappoport. "The key is to get filming right away to catch Perkins swamp ass at the peak of the rainy season. We're looking at a closing window though, with the possibility of a gold bond outbreak, his swamp ass could disappear quickly, depriving us of its unique beauty."

Ben Nelson
Correspondent
Humor News Network

If Academics was like Athletics

Mankato, Minn - Minnesota State University, Mankato, a member of the Minnesota State Colleges and Universities system is proud to announce their academic signing class for the 2011-2012 school year. MSU's Director of Admissions announced Friday that High School prospects Jennifer Lawson, Greg Yari, and Cole Williams have signed national letters of intent to attend school at MSU this fall.

"This is an amazing recruiting class for us. All three kids were valedictorians at their school" said MSU's Director of Admissions. "The combined ACT scores for these kids is 102! Did you hear that? 102!"

Lawson, a 5-foot-4-inch, 110-pound biology major comes to MSU from Duluth, Minnesota. Jennifer lead all recruits with a 35 on her ACT to compliment her 4.0 GPA. Jennifer showed her leadership as president and lone participants of her schools science club, and horse club . She was also student body president, voted smartest, most likely to succeed, and having the weirdest laugh by her peers at East Senior High School.

The Associate Director of admissions decided to talk a little smack to the University of Minnesota Duluth after stealing the hometown favorite away. "SUCK IT UMD! Sure, you won National Championships in football and hockey, but who even cares about sports? Nerds Rule! Jocks Drool!"

Yari - a 5-foot-7-inch, 250-pound economics major comes to MSU from Sioux Falls, SD. Posting a solid 34 ACT score to compliment his 4.0 GPA, Yari had also done some pioneering work in supply and demand theory throughout high school.

"I proved that at Roosevelt High School, despite a low number of guys compared to girls, there remained a low demand for me at prom" said Yari of his work. "I found this perplexing. I'm sure ladies at MSU won't be able to get enough of the Yarinator"

Williams a 6-foot-5-inch 175-pound engineering major is a Mankato, MN native. His seller 33 ACT along with his 4.0 GPA made him a great get for MSU, but it was his community service that made this student an All-star.

"I am a mathlete myself and know the importance of training" said Williams. "That's why I volunteer as a spotter at Mankato's Mathnasium. You hate to see young mathletes ruin a promising career by injuring themselves. I saw a kid tear up his quadratic equation once, it was sad, he never competed again. That's why I volunteer."

"Our goal is a National Championship" concluded the Director of Admissions. "We took a big step in making that happen today."

Oh baby its cold out there!

Winter Coat. Check.
Hat. Check.
Gloves. Check.
Facemask. Check.
Mug of hot tea. Check.

It takes a little extra preparation in the morning to get ready to face a cold Minnesota winter day, not to mention a record low -24 degrees.
I walk to work from MSU's free parking lot to my office. Its about a 4 block walk from my car, usually into the wind, to the warm indoor sanctuary of the Taylor Center. Its a usually a uneventful walk, and I'm usually the only one walking in that early in the morning.

This morning though, I witnessed the value of my MSU degree dropping with the mercury. On my walk in I was passed by a student wearing only a pair of jeans and a hooded sweatshirt. No hat, no gloves, no jacket, and despite wearing a hooded sweatshirt, no hood.

I get the whole manly bit, I really do. Man vs Mother Nature and all that. But there is a difference between being manly and stupid. The older I get the more I realize things falling into the latter.

Back to this student. If he can't prepare for a walk into school, I have little hope for him to be prepared for the actual class. My biggest fear is his future job interview: "Yes I went to MSU. Does your health plan cover frostbite?"

Sayola?

I've worked in the radio industry for what is going now on my 5th year. Mostly behind the board, rarely behind the mic. I run that big fancy sound board that controls what goes over the air. Not a prestigious PT job but it helps pay some bills (mostly gas to and from the station).

Around when I first started I remember having to sit through a "Payola" online presentation mandated by my then employer Clear Channel Communications. It was an informational piece about "Payola". If I recall correctly, it had to be watched annually.

To give a little background to those unfamiliar with what "Payola" is: Payola is basically an under the table exchange of money to either play certain songs or talk favorably about certain businesses, products, etc . Radio personalities must disclose tot their audiences if they are getting paid by a company they are talking about.

There are certain word or phrases that indicate people are promoting products on the square.

Typically you'll hear commercials saying "This is (radio personality) for (endorsed product)". You'll also hear them disclosing that they're getting paid (one way or another) for something they're doing/promoting. A good example is when Dan Cole on KFAN talks about an upcoming boxing match, and where the fight is being held (a certain casino). He then states "He is getting paid handsomely" to ring announce at the event. Thereby disclosing to the audience that it is a paid endorsement.

The line between payola and a legit endorsement can get tricky, hence the need for radio companies to clarify it with On-Air Staff on an annual basis.

Social Media Muddies the Water

When I first started in radio(way back in 2006), Twitter was in its infancy, blogging was reserved for nerds discussing the finer points of Star Trek, and Facebook wasn't nearly the household name it is today.

Now with over 500 million users on Facebook, businesses cannot ignore this chance to connect with potential consumers. The radio industry has done just that. Today, many radio personalities interact with their fans either through individual personality pages and twitter accounts, or through station pages and twitter accounts. The more followers or fans you have, the better the opportunity to turn listeners, into loyal listeners by giving listeners the sense of being actual friends with those personalities or stations.

This also creates a possible "sayola" issue. (I think I created the term)

While the FCC looks at broadcasts for payola violations, they do not (as far as I can see) cover social media.

A radio personality gains Twitter followers or Facebook fans from their broadcasts. (often by directly or indirectly promoting each on the air). They can then direct these followers/fans away from the non-revenue generating Facebook & Twitter to revenue generating products they offer, like tuning in to the station or logging on to their website.

Of all the benefits those social media entities can bring, it can also bring in problems.
Those personalities could also work under the table with other businesses for exchanges in the way of trading status updates/tweets for $, goods, or services. Going outside the obvious "Man, business X has the lowest prices in town", something as simple as a Connect-4 "Check-in" can possibly be seen as an endorsement of that business.

While I don't see this as currently being a major issue, it is an issue that was not even possible only 5 years ago.

United we Run

A few weeks ago I had the engine on my old silver Grand Prix blow out. It was a reliable car over the time I've had it, never needing a lot of expensive fixes, just replacing old parts that wore out. It had seen 2 major hits via winter collisions in its lifetime but rebounded, ready to go again. When faced with a complete engine overhaul, I started looking at what it wasn't, over what it was. Its better days had passed. A dinged door here, cracked weather stripping there, there wasn't much of an incentive to repair something literally being held together by duct tape in some places.

Looking for a replacement vehicle that had (presumably) longer life span, I found a Kia Sportage, a newer (younger) vehicle that didn't quite have the power of my older car, but was built for the future. More room for our family to grow. I've already taken it for 2 test drives and liked the way it drove, and looked overall. For better or worse, I'm going to ride with this vehicle, and see where it takes me.

Do you see what i DMB?

I had the pleasure last night to attend the Dave Matthews Band concert. As I was standing in the crowed, taking it all in, I couldn't help but identify certain individuals that fall into concert goer stereotypes. Perhaps its because we're going over segmentation in my marketing class right now, but I've broken them down into a few categories listed below. You may fall into one or two of them. I know I do. If you can think of any more categories feel free to post comments to add them.

The Paparazzo: With enough flashes to give the band a seizure, these photographing phenoms love watching the concert through their 2" digital camera screen. Lookout facebook, here comes 50 pictures of a blurry stage!

The Cinematographer: They've got an iphone an they're not afraid to use it. They also watch the concert through a screen, but a kick-ass 4" screen instead of 2". Sure you can't fully take in the visual experience that you put money down to see, but at least you can re-live the experience with speakerphone quality sound over and over again.

The Karaoke Superstar: Everyone likes to sing along at a concert, but these rock stars feel the need to scream every word of every song, and just to let you know that they know all the lyrics, they sing them well ahead of the band. If I wanted to hear you sing I wouldn't have put down 75 bucks for tickets. I would have went to the local corner bar to hear you butcher songs.

Dancing with the (or while seeing) stars: Again dancing is part of a concert, i get it, but like Lincoln Hawk, these twinkle toes take it over the top. Expecting you to get out of the way for their personal soul train dance, they'll take whatever room they need to show their moves. This usually involves stepping on your feet, and throwing their often girthy size into you, oblivious to your show experience.

The Day Tripper: These party hardy souls usually need a designated driver to get TO the concert. For them, this isn't a 3 hour concert, its a 24 hour event. With a pre-party schedule that would make Ozzy Osborn blush, they rarely make it through the entire show, or at times, make it to the show at all. These people are the reason I don't wear good shoes to concerts.

The Crowd Climbers: Sure you arrived after the opening band and just before the main act, but who cares? Your ticket may say "GA" but to you it says "Front row center". You're going to elbow your way to the front, crushed toes and spilled beers be damned.

Corporate Carl: Sure you got off work at 5pm and the concert wasn't until 8pm, you're wearing that expensive suit to the concert anyway. Bring a change of clothes? Heck no! You're important and people need to know that.

The Phone-o-graphers: Texts, Facebook, or Twitter, you're constantly relaying messages or checking on what else is going on. Its a concert, set down the phone and enjoy it.

The post concert screamer(town crier) - As everyone is shuffling out of the venue and through the plaza, every minute on the minute this guy screams "Woooo!"