Beyond Belson

Rochester Honkers Slider Tests Positive for HGH

2011-12-22T07:28:00.000-08:00

Rochester, Minn - To the surprise of many Rochester fans the Northwoods League front office is suspending Honkers mascot Slider for the first half of the 2012 season following a positive test for HGH.

"This test result comes as a big shock to us in the Honkers organization", said Honker General Manager Dan Litzinger. "I really can't comment any further until I sit down and talk with Slider personally."

"This is the first time anyone has suspended a mascot to my knowledge", said Northwoods League owner Dick Radatz Jr. "But we want our fans to know we run a clean league, free from performance enhancing drugs from top to bottom, and that includes our mascots.

One person who was not surprised by the positive test was Nick Riviera, a Mayo Clinic doctor and long time Honker fan.

"I got suspious when I started seeing all the telltale signs of HGH use", said Riviera. "The large head size, the increased acne, which I actually initially thought were frayed stitches in his head until i saw him covering it up with whiteout before a game."

The Mankato MoonDogs Muttnik, a fellow Northwoods League mascot chimmed in on the news.

"This news is pretty RUFF", said Muttnik. "If you told me last week that Slider was using HGH, I would have said you were barking up the wrong tree, but now I don't know. His head has gotten more appealing to chase over the last couple of years. I've got a lot to circle around three times, lay down and think about."

Phone calls to the home of Slider were not returned as of the time of this printing.

WTFoto

2011-12-15T11:34:00.000-08:00

With the low interest rates and cheaper home prices Carolyn and I have been toying with the idea of "upgrading" to give us more house for less money. I've been looking at houses online and have been amazed by the photos we've seen as I take a small peak into the lives of the current owner.

I decided to post a few photos from what I've seen. These are all currently for sale in Mankato.

King of his castle needs an elevated throan to gaze over his kingdom.

Just thought it was funny there was an office chair in their kitchen. Why the realtor didn't move it for a photo I'll never know.

Enough room for a beer pong table. Notable selling feature.

News paper spread on the ground reminds me of the movie Big Daddy. Just wondering who peed.

As seen on hoarders.

I've always wanted to hold hands with my wife as we both take a deuce.

President Perry would not pardon turkey

2011-11-23T10:02:00.001-08:00

Austin, Texas - Texas Governor and presidential hopeful Rick Perry made a statement today that under his administration he would not pardon a Thanksgiving turkey, a tradition among presidents dating back to George H.W. Bush in 1989.

"I'm from Texas" said Perry. "We don't pardon, we execute. Heck we've executed mentally handicapped people in Texas. Why would I stop at a turkey? I'm not going to play the role of big government and interfere."

Animal rights groups did not react well to Perry's announcement.

"Its barbaric" said PETA spokeswoman Jessica Martin. "Execute mentally handicapped people if you want but don't hurt innocent turkeys."

Perry's odd statement comes in the wake of dipping poll numbers and abysmal debate performances and may have been an attempt to separate himself from the rest of the GOP pack.

Nation's airports packed with reporters

2011-11-23T06:18:00.000-08:00

Los Angels, Calif - On the busiest travel reporting day of the year the United States airports are expected to be jam-packed with reporters, camera men and photographers. The sharp influx in airport reporting can cause frustration and delays.

"At some of the busiest airports like LAX, we expect to see reporters arriving and departing every thirty seconds" said Peter Gibbons, President of Media Traffic Controllers Association. "Bad weather can really mess things up. Delays and cancellations only increase the number of reporters clogging our concourse, sticking around for hours longer than if the weather were clear."

The frustration is also experienced among the travelers.

"I am appalled" said traveler Marquez Hernandez. Things would be running a lot more smoothly if reporters like yourself stayed home and stayed out of the way. I would estimate 40% of the people at the airport are reporters, not travelers."

Not everyone was upset with the arrival of the reporters. Rahish Ahman, the owner of a convenience store at the airport awaits this day every year.

"This is our Black Friday" said Ahman. "The reporters need hair spray, cell phone chargers, and a lot of other over-priced stuff we sell here because they never plan on staying as long as they do."

The reporters themselves also have to make sacrifices.

"Sure I would rather be at home getting drunk and arguing with my family like the rest of America" said CNN correspondent Jason White. "But this is the career choice and the sacrifice I have made even though my parents have always disapproved and make it clear that I am their least favorite child at every family get-together."

Eiffel Tower Damaged during photo op

2011-11-10T09:16:00.000-08:00

Paris, France - French officials are scrambling tonight to assess the damage to its beloved Eiffel Tower following a accident during a tourist photo shoot late this afternoon. According to officials a British tourist was holding the tower between her thumb and pointer finger when she sneezed, crushing the monument.

"We started to allow tourists to hold the Eiffel Tower back in the mid 80's to draw more visitors," said Eiffel Tower spokesman Jacques Mannequin. "This is the first major issue we have seen, but may have to stop allowing tourists handle the monument."

An engineering team has been flown in from Nice to assess the damage and there is no timeline as to when repairs might begin.

Irony of posting how much they don't care about Kim Kardashian lost on millions

2011-11-08T08:36:00.000-08:00

Minneapolis, Minn- "How is this woman famous? What has she ever done?" ranted Steve Phillips, one of millions who recently commented on a the news article about Kim Kardashian filing for divorce that they linked to on facebook.

"The general public is stupid" said Winston Fillmore chairman of the Institute on Facebook studies. "They don't understand that posting a link about how much they don't care about something is illogical on two levels. First off, by mentioning the story and posting a link to further information, they are becoming the source of the unwarranted fame they are ranting against," Fillmore explained. "Second, they are narcissistic enough to assume that other people give a damn about what they don't give a damn about."

This isn't the first time we've seen a trend like this," said Jennifer Tuppin, the director for Citizens for Responsible Status Updates. "We saw a similar trend when Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie were given their own reality show. They key is to resist mentioning it, pretend its not there, and it will go away", advised Tuppin. "Basically we all just need to act as if we're Midwestern."

Halloween Preys on childrens fear of excercise

2011-10-31T11:57:00.000-07:00

Chicago, Ill. - Blood-curdling screams can be heard emanating from families homes tonight as parents inform their children that they will have to actually walk from door to door to get their candy.

"It's just not fair!" screamed rotund Suzy Johnson. "It hurts when my thighs scrape together!"

We caught up with a child who just started trick-or-treating two blocks from his house.

"Why can't I just post trick or treat on peoples facebook wall and get candy from my parents?" inquired the winded and portly Jake Drey. "My mom should at least drive me from house to house."

A recent survey of elementary aged school children revealed that regular exercise has overtaken the boogie man as the thing they are most afraid of with portion control coming in a strong third place.

Poll: Weekends not long enough

2011-10-24T06:19:00.000-07:00

Los Angeles, Calif - In a Monday morning poll of Facebook users it was found that there is an overwhelming consensus that the previous weekend was not long enough. The poll showed that 99.3% enjoyed the weekend, but wish it wasn't over. A follow-up analysis also showed that many users returned to work on Monday confused, unaware of what day it was, indicated by many asking if "it was Friday yet."

"The weekend is the same length it has always been" said Preston Arky from the US Naval Time Observatory. "We have done extensive studies and have found whether you're having fun or not, time goes the same speed."

"I'm glad to be back at work" said Chet Petersen, one of the small percentage that thought the weekend was the right length. "I had enough fun and relaxation, time to put my nose to the grind stone." A follow up poll among his co-workers indicates that no one likes Chet.

New social media site aims to eclipse facebook.

2011-10-20T08:20:00.000-07:00

Sans Pollo, Calif- Nasim Kadash, an IT project manager at a Silicon Valley software company is aiming to take down the social media giant Facebook by luring away their largest growing demographic, young parents.

"I was surfing facebook a few months ago and saw my news stream filled with baby belly photos from mothers, pictures of infants, toddlers, and sonograms", said Kadash. "I thought to myself, how do I make this go away? That's how I came up with sonogrambook."

Sonogram book is a social media website specifically designed for annoying parents to spam photos of their pregnancies, infants, toddlers and status updates about how smart their kid is for their age.

"The site did have a few problems in its infancy but now its the best site in the whole wide world, yes it is. Who's the best site? Who's the best site? You are! You are!", said Kadash. "Dammit now I'm doing it!"

The early problems Kadash referred to came shortly after the site launch when its first user Julie Gustafson uploaded a Terabyte of photos of her child's first poop.

"We realized then that we need to triple our servers to handle the wave of self-absorbed garbage we were going to experience" said Kadash. "I knew we would be popular, I just didn't imagine how quickly we would expand."

Sonogrambook now as over 300 million users worldwide since launching in August and expects to hit 500 million users by Christmas.

"I am even starting to see a slowdown of postings from parents on facebook", said Kadash. "This is a dream come true."

Gambling scandal uncovered

2011-10-17T06:54:00.000-07:00

Las Vegas, Nev - The gambling community is reeling this morning after news came out yesterday revealing a far-reaching scandal involving players tanking games on purpose. The undercover investigation focused on parents tanking on purpose when playing against their children.

"When given the choice between putting my money on a 6'2" 34 year old dad or his 3'1" four-year-old daughter in a game of one-on-one the money should go on the dad", said sport book maker Sal Garpo. "But in 95% of the games we're seeing the little girl win. And the 5% of the time the dad wins is almost always due to the child falling, crying, and wanting to stop playing, losing the game by forfeit."

The President of the National Council on Problem Gaming Peter West explained the scandal reaches beyond just sports betting, involving card and board games as well.

"We have parents with 20/20 vision and good hearing not being able to detect a giggling child moving behind a curtain in a simple game of hide-and-seek", said West. "You know these parents must be on the take."

The Nevada Gaming Commission has placed all parent-child betting on hold until investigators can find the scope of the corruption.

Area man breaks consecutive win record

2011-10-14T05:38:00.000-07:00

Mankato, Minn - Bill Coughlan has always dreamed of being a basketball superstar, and on Thursday afternoon his dreams came true as Bill beat his six-year-old son Aiden at one-on-one for the 1,524th consecutive time.

"Some dads let their kid win to help boost their confidence. But me? I'm all about he "W" baby!", explained Coughlan after Thursdays 21-0 victory. "Its like I told my son, this is real life bitch, suck it up. That's why we've been playing on a ten foot rim when the streak started shortly after Aiden turned two."

Coughlan's 1,524 consecutive victories eclipses former one-on-one great Sid Jefferson. As we all know, Jefferson's streak ended per-maturely when child protective services took his son Anthony away after Sid threw an intentional elbow to five-year-old Anthony's head while boxing out for a rebound.

Coughlan, an all-around athlete, is no stranger to greatness. Bill also holds several other father-son records including records in football for rushing yards, touchdowns, and tackles for loss. A hard-throwing southpaw, Bill also holds the record for strikeouts against his son.

"I scored a basket once, but my dad said it was traveling and took the basket way" said first grader Aiden Coughlan in a press conference held after Thursdays loss. "Can I go play with my friends now?"

With at least five more years until Aiden hits puberty, Bill has a great opportunity to extend his streak and make it almost untouchable for future psychologically-damaging fathers.

FBI: Old person smell Identifed

2011-10-12T10:00:00.000-07:00

Washington D.C. - The distinct smell of old people has puzzled the general public for years, but today the FBI anti-drug task force announced that they have identified the smell as resin from a highly potent form of marijuana.

"It turns out the smell we have all come to call 'old person smell' is the result of every senior citizen smoking marijuana, and a highly potent form of it as well" , said FBI Deputy Commander Russ Johnson. "We have linked the drug ring to the AARP which has been distributing the marijuana for years, issuing cards to help identify legitimate users and avoid detection."

"It makes a lot of sense now when you look at seniors driving habits, the slow driving, the swerving, the slow reaction times, all of these signs have previously been attributed to ageing, but now can be attributed to the fact that all seniors are constantly baked out of their minds" said U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder. Holder went on to reveal another breakthrough. "We are now investigating another drug link involving the narcotic ecstasy and hard candies that are common place within senior citizen's homes."

According to Ethel Mathison, an informant that wished not to be identified, seniors often use slang to disguise their illicit drug use. According to Mathison, terms like "going to play bridge" or "playing bingo" often indicate the seniors plans to meet up and use the drug.

The widespread use has caught law enforcement off guard and unable to formulate a quick solution to the problem. This is especially true in heavily senior populated states like Florida where it is estimated that 78% of the state’s population is high at any given time.

“We’re probably all going to sit down as a nation with our parents and grandparents and have the drug talk” said Eric Holder.

Vikings listed #1 in recent Top 10 List.

2011-10-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

New York - For many years there has been a debate among fans about what is the most difficult thing to do in sports. Last year the USA Today posted their top 10 list of the most difficult things to do in sports, with hitting a baseball topping the list.

In a updated list put out this morning, watching the Minnesota Vikings in the second half usurped hitting a baseball as the most difficult thing to do in sports.

"Their second half meltdowns have been brutal to watch," said USA Today's chief editor Dave Berkowitz. "God help your if you're a Vikings fan".

"Our week three meltdown actually made my physically sick", said all pro wide receiver Percy Harvin who was spotted vomiting on the sidelines during the second half of the Vikings week three loss to the Lions after leading 20-0 at halftime.

Vikings owner Zygi Wilf commented this morning on the USA Today list. "We're doing our best to shy people away from a sellout this week to save our fans the hardship of watching another impotent second half performance" said Wilf. "We're all hoping for a television blackout this week."

Vikings Berrian out 2-3 weeks with Twitter thumb.

2011-10-06T08:02:00.000-07:00

Eden Prairie, MN - Minnesota Vikings wide receiver Bernard Berrian, better known to everyone as @B_Twice, was listed as inactive for this weekend's game against the Arizona Cardinals according the the Vikings injury report posted this morning. The listing comes as a surprise to many Vikings fans as most thought he had been inactive all season.

Berrian's injury is officially listed as "Twitter thumb", a increasingly common injury among NFL players trying to defend their lack of productivity on the field. Head coach Leslie Frazier in his weekly press conference add that the injury was not directly linked to the foot injury Berrian suffered on Sunday evening where Berrian inserted his entire foot into his mouth tweeting "Sit down and shut up" to John Kriesel, a state representative and a sponsor of the new Vikings stadium bill.

"I was just tweeting about what song I was listening to and where I was going for dinner when I heard a pop", said Berrian in this mornings press conference. "I knew it was bad, but i tried to tweet through it. I talked to Sug and he wrapped it for me but it was still really painful. I went in for a MRI and it revealed I had a strained flexor tendon."

The Vikings are sure to miss Berrian's presence as he accounts for almost 50% of the team's twitter productivity after taking on a larger roll when Bryant McKinnie was cut during training camp.

By Ben Nelson

Ben Nelson is chief correspondent at the Fake News Network.

If History was Business

2011-10-05T09:11:00.000-07:00

Berlin, Germany - A new computer company has been quickly taking over the European computer market starting this past summer. Mien Comp, a fast growing electronics company based in Berlin has already gained access in the Italian and Japanese markets. Through a recent blitz of mergers and acquisitions, most notably Poland's largest electronics manufacture in Warsaw and France's Dido systems, Mien Comp has become the largest force in computing power in Europe.

"We saw a lot of resistance at first" said Joe Goebbels, Mien Comp's Director of Public Relations. "People really wanted to stick with their old systems, but once they saw how quick and powerful our product is, people quickly joined our camp."

Despite their success in western Europe, Mien Comp has been having issues penetrating the Eastern European markets.

"Efforts to penetrate Russia's market started off strong but now are stallin' " said Goebbels. "We didn't expect such a cold reception or major technical issues when we launched our second line of computer systems. We've sent out our Engineering Systems Emergency Staff to Russia to deal with the firewall issues. We hope the ESES will quickly resolve the issue."

Mien Comp's president and founder was very excited by the progression of his company.

"My plans have worked out exactly how I dictated them" said the glowing leader. "There were a lot of inferior brands in the race for best computer in Europe. Mien Comp, pure and simply is the best brand out there. "

The founder also spoke of Mien Comp's early marketing blunders, such as hiring O.J. Simpson as their spokesperson in the mid 90's.

"The Juice caused all of our problems. We didn't know the Juice was a back-stabbing, un-trustworthy person that would ruin our company's pure image. I made the executive decision to remove the Juice."

Mien Comps quick invasion of the European markets have caught the eye of American and British companies who are sure to try to stop Mien Comp's march toward world domination in the computer industry.

"We didn't harbor bad feelings against Mien Comp until their Japanese subsidiary under-cut us back in December" said Unified Systems of America President Frank Roosevelt. "We plan on shipping our product to Japan as soon as possible and merging with Brittan's RAF industries to take back our share of the world market."

Mien Comp's CEO did not seem too scared by the threats from the now allied USA and RAF stating, "I've drawn a line, Kammhuber if you dare"

The World Wide Internet Innovation conference in Normandy this June is going to be all-out war as both sides reveal their best and newest product lines.

"On June 4th, they're going down" said Roosevelt. To which Mien Comp's CEO retorted, "Not going to happen, not in a thousand years".

Its official, you're sweating your ass off.

2011-07-19T10:03:00.000-07:00

Belfast, Germany - The Universal Weights and Measurement Counsel in Belfast, Germany has announced that sweating ones ass off has officially become a temperature benchmark. Sweating my ass off, or SMAO, joins th ever popular colder than a witches titty.

Climatologist Jeffery Norbin spoke of the decision in this afternoons press conference.

"After being presented with all of the facts, we decided that sweating my ass off was the most logical decision," said Norbin. "We had also considered sweating my balls off, but we've determined the temperature in ones ass is actually slightly higher, and therefore deserves the benchmark."

Brooklyn native Tony Piscconi traveled all the way to Germany to protested the decision.

"I don't care if its PC or whatever. I'm still sweatin' my bawls off," said Piscconi. "My father sweat his bawls off, and his father before him. I'm not gunna change."

The National Weather Service has not yet released a statement as to how today's announcement will affect their current advisory system.

Ben Nelson

Correspondent

Humor News Network.

Novelty shop sues fashion designers.

2011-07-18T12:43:00.000-07:00

Edwin Jacobson of Jacobson's Joke and Novelty filed papers today in Civil Court, suing Gucci, Versace and a list of other fashion sunglasses designers over patent infringement.

Jacobson claims that he created and patented the first pair of over-sized novelty sunglasses in the 1970's for Elton John. Jacobson states in the lawsuit that recent sunglasses designs are a play off of his patented design.

"I created a set of comically over-sized sunglasses back in the 80's," said Jacobson. Look around today at all the women wearing that ridiculous design. It was obviously stolen from me!"

Jacobson says he is suing for $100 million dollars for patent infringement.

"I think Jacobson has a case here," said Humor News Network legal correspondent Heath Miller. "Jacobson's ridiculous over-sized design looks very close to the current trend in eye-wear. It would behoove the designers to save money and settle out of court. The designers would be able to recoup those losses almost immediately since the only thing more ridiculous than the sunglasses design, are their prices."

Phone calls to Gucci and Versace were not immediately returned.

Ben Nelson
Correspondent
Humor News Network

Local mans swamp ass replaces Everglads as largest swamp.

2011-07-18T11:44:00.000-07:00

Mankato, Minn - Kyle Perkins always knew he had a fat ass, but with Mondays heat index climbing over 110 degrees in the Mankato area, his rump is breaking records and drawing national attention. As of 12pm the heat had caused Perkins' swamp ass to grow just shy of the 1.4 million, the same size as everglades national park.
With temperatures and humidity levels expect to sustain for the rest of the day, Perkins swamp ass will eclipse the size of the everglades and own claim to the largest swamp in the United States.

"The A/C is on the fritz," said Perkins. "I usually use gold bond to keep things under control, but this morning I forgot it at home."

Local Minnesota politicians are already pushing to make Perkins swamp ass part of the National Park system.

"We must protect our wild areas," said one local congressman. "Scientists have already identified three endangered species in Perkins' swamp ass. Who knows what other things we may find."

People always said I had a stick up my ass," said Perkins. "I just never thought gators would be sunning themselves on it."

Perkins swamp ass is also drawing attention from the History Channel, creators of the cable television show "Swamp People". The shows cinematographer Alex Rappoport has already ventured to Minnesota to investigate Perkins for a possible spin-off.

"It is a definite possibility," said Rappoport. "The key is to get filming right away to catch Perkins swamp ass at the peak of the rainy season. We're looking at a closing window though, with the possibility of a gold bond outbreak, his swamp ass could disappear quickly, depriving us of its unique beauty."

Ben Nelson
Correspondent
Humor News Network

If Academics was like Athletics

2011-04-28T10:48:00.000-07:00

Mankato, Minn - Minnesota State University, Mankato, a member of the Minnesota State Colleges and Universities system is proud to announce their academic signing class for the 2011-2012 school year. MSU's Director of Admissions announced Friday that High School prospects Jennifer Lawson, Greg Yari, and Cole Williams have signed national letters of intent to attend school at MSU this fall.

"This is an amazing recruiting class for us. All three kids were valedictorians at their school" said MSU's Director of Admissions. "The combined ACT scores for these kids is 102! Did you hear that? 102!"

Lawson, a 5-foot-4-inch, 110-pound biology major comes to MSU from Duluth, Minnesota. Jennifer lead all recruits with a 35 on her ACT to compliment her 4.0 GPA. Jennifer showed her leadership as president and lone participants of her schools science club, and horse club . She was also student body president, voted smartest, most likely to succeed, and having the weirdest laugh by her peers at East Senior High School.

The Associate Director of admissions decided to talk a little smack to the University of Minnesota Duluth after stealing the hometown favorite away. "SUCK IT UMD! Sure, you won National Championships in football and hockey, but who even cares about sports? Nerds Rule! Jocks Drool!"

Yari - a 5-foot-7-inch, 250-pound economics major comes to MSU from Sioux Falls, SD. Posting a solid 34 ACT score to compliment his 4.0 GPA, Yari had also done some pioneering work in supply and demand theory throughout high school.

"I proved that at Roosevelt High School, despite a low number of guys compared to girls, there remained a low demand for me at prom" said Yari of his work. "I found this perplexing. I'm sure ladies at MSU won't be able to get enough of the Yarinator"

Williams a 6-foot-5-inch 175-pound engineering major is a Mankato, MN native. His seller 33 ACT along with his 4.0 GPA made him a great get for MSU, but it was his community service that made this student an All-star.

"I am a mathlete myself and know the importance of training" said Williams. "That's why I volunteer as a spotter at Mankato's Mathnasium. You hate to see young mathletes ruin a promising career by injuring themselves. I saw a kid tear up his quadratic equation once, it was sad, he never competed again. That's why I volunteer."

"Our goal is a National Championship" concluded the Director of Admissions. "We took a big step in making that happen today."

Oh baby its cold out there!

2011-01-21T05:55:00.000-08:00

Winter Coat. Check.
Hat. Check.
Gloves. Check.
Facemask. Check.
Mug of hot tea. Check.

It takes a little extra preparation in the morning to get ready to face a cold Minnesota winter day, not to mention a record low -24 degrees.
I walk to work from MSU's free parking lot to my office. Its about a 4 block walk from my car, usually into the wind, to the warm indoor sanctuary of the Taylor Center. Its a usually a uneventful walk, and I'm usually the only one walking in that early in the morning.

This morning though, I witnessed the value of my MSU degree dropping with the mercury. On my walk in I was passed by a student wearing only a pair of jeans and a hooded sweatshirt. No hat, no gloves, no jacket, and despite wearing a hooded sweatshirt, no hood.

I get the whole manly bit, I really do. Man vs Mother Nature and all that. But there is a difference between being manly and stupid. The older I get the more I realize things falling into the latter.

Back to this student. If he can't prepare for a walk into school, I have little hope for him to be prepared for the actual class. My biggest fear is his future job interview: "Yes I went to MSU. Does your health plan cover frostbite?"

Sayola?

2010-11-11T08:29:00.000-08:00

I've worked in the radio industry for what is going now on my 5th year. Mostly behind the board, rarely behind the mic. I run that big fancy sound board that controls what goes over the air. Not a prestigious PT job but it helps pay some bills (mostly gas to and from the station).

Around when I first started I remember having to sit through a "Payola" online presentation mandated by my then employer Clear Channel Communications. It was an informational piece about "Payola". If I recall correctly, it had to be watched annually.

To give a little background to those unfamiliar with what "Payola" is: Payola is basically an under the table exchange of money to either play certain songs or talk favorably about certain businesses, products, etc . Radio personalities must disclose tot their audiences if they are getting paid by a company they are talking about.

There are certain word or phrases that indicate people are promoting products on the square.

Typically you'll hear commercials saying "This is (radio personality) for (endorsed product)". You'll also hear them disclosing that they're getting paid (one way or another) for something they're doing/promoting. A good example is when Dan Cole on KFAN talks about an upcoming boxing match, and where the fight is being held (a certain casino). He then states "He is getting paid handsomely" to ring announce at the event. Thereby disclosing to the audience that it is a paid endorsement.

The line between payola and a legit endorsement can get tricky, hence the need for radio companies to clarify it with On-Air Staff on an annual basis.

Social Media Muddies the Water

When I first started in radio(way back in 2006), Twitter was in its infancy, blogging was reserved for nerds discussing the finer points of Star Trek, and Facebook wasn't nearly the household name it is today.

Now with over 500 million users on Facebook, businesses cannot ignore this chance to connect with potential consumers. The radio industry has done just that. Today, many radio personalities interact with their fans either through individual personality pages and twitter accounts, or through station pages and twitter accounts. The more followers or fans you have, the better the opportunity to turn listeners, into loyal listeners by giving listeners the sense of being actual friends with those personalities or stations.

This also creates a possible "sayola" issue. (I think I created the term)

While the FCC looks at broadcasts for payola violations, they do not (as far as I can see) cover social media.

A radio personality gains Twitter followers or Facebook fans from their broadcasts. (often by directly or indirectly promoting each on the air). They can then direct these followers/fans away from the non-revenue generating Facebook & Twitter to revenue generating products they offer, like tuning in to the station or logging on to their website.

Of all the benefits those social media entities can bring, it can also bring in problems.
Those personalities could also work under the table with other businesses for exchanges in the way of trading status updates/tweets for $, goods, or services. Going outside the obvious "Man, business X has the lowest prices in town", something as simple as a Connect-4 "Check-in" can possibly be seen as an endorsement of that business.

While I don't see this as currently being a major issue, it is an issue that was not even possible only 5 years ago.

United we Run

2010-10-12T10:41:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I had the engine on my old silver Grand Prix blow out. It was a reliable car over the time I've had it, never needing a lot of expensive fixes, just replacing old parts that wore out. It had seen 2 major hits via winter collisions in its lifetime but rebounded, ready to go again. When faced with a complete engine overhaul, I started looking at what it wasn't, over what it was. Its better days had passed. A dinged door here, cracked weather stripping there, there wasn't much of an incentive to repair something literally being held together by duct tape in some places.

Looking for a replacement vehicle that had (presumably) longer life span, I found a Kia Sportage, a newer (younger) vehicle that didn't quite have the power of my older car, but was built for the future. More room for our family to grow. I've already taken it for 2 test drives and liked the way it drove, and looked overall. For better or worse, I'm going to ride with this vehicle, and see where it takes me.

Do you see what i DMB?

2010-09-16T06:40:00.000-07:00

I had the pleasure last night to attend the Dave Matthews Band concert. As I was standing in the crowed, taking it all in, I couldn't help but identify certain individuals that fall into concert goer stereotypes. Perhaps its because we're going over segmentation in my marketing class right now, but I've broken them down into a few categories listed below. You may fall into one or two of them. I know I do. If you can think of any more categories feel free to post comments to add them.

The Paparazzo: With enough flashes to give the band a seizure, these photographing phenoms love watching the concert through their 2" digital camera screen. Lookout facebook, here comes 50 pictures of a blurry stage!

The Cinematographer: They've got an iphone an they're not afraid to use it. They also watch the concert through a screen, but a kick-ass 4" screen instead of 2". Sure you can't fully take in the visual experience that you put money down to see, but at least you can re-live the experience with speakerphone quality sound over and over again.

The Karaoke Superstar: Everyone likes to sing along at a concert, but these rock stars feel the need to scream every word of every song, and just to let you know that they know all the lyrics, they sing them well ahead of the band. If I wanted to hear you sing I wouldn't have put down 75 bucks for tickets. I would have went to the local corner bar to hear you butcher songs.

Dancing with the (or while seeing) stars: Again dancing is part of a concert, i get it, but like Lincoln Hawk, these twinkle toes take it over the top. Expecting you to get out of the way for their personal soul train dance, they'll take whatever room they need to show their moves. This usually involves stepping on your feet, and throwing their often girthy size into you, oblivious to your show experience.

The Day Tripper: These party hardy souls usually need a designated driver to get TO the concert. For them, this isn't a 3 hour concert, its a 24 hour event. With a pre-party schedule that would make Ozzy Osborn blush, they rarely make it through the entire show, or at times, make it to the show at all. These people are the reason I don't wear good shoes to concerts.

The Crowd Climbers: Sure you arrived after the opening band and just before the main act, but who cares? Your ticket may say "GA" but to you it says "Front row center". You're going to elbow your way to the front, crushed toes and spilled beers be damned.

Corporate Carl: Sure you got off work at 5pm and the concert wasn't until 8pm, you're wearing that expensive suit to the concert anyway. Bring a change of clothes? Heck no! You're important and people need to know that.

The Phone-o-graphers: Texts, Facebook, or Twitter, you're constantly relaying messages or checking on what else is going on. Its a concert, set down the phone and enjoy it.

The post concert screamer(town crier) - As everyone is shuffling out of the venue and through the plaza, every minute on the minute this guy screams "Woooo!"

Lay-Z-Boy

2010-05-18T10:52:00.000-07:00

Yes it has been over a month since my blog post, so I do understand the humor in it being about laziness.
As I start my next attempt in a long line of attempts to lose weight I find my own laziness to get out and exercise is my biggest stopping point. (yes a bigger stopping point than even my belt has become)
The deterioration of my conditioning was shown to me very clearly as I "sprinted" to first base while playing my first softball game in years. Gasping for breath I couldn't believe how a short run could take so much out of me.

While I am reflecting back on my own laziness, it was the acts of two others that inspired me to write on the topic that forced me to take a look at myself.

The first act I witnessed on campus. While walking to the student union from my office I neared the door to see a student flick his cigarette on the ground and walk in. My only issue besides littering on my campus is that he was 10 feet from one of those cigarette disposal tubes. I would have said or done something but I was on my way to a meeting, and talking sense into someone like that would have required far more time than they were worth.

The second act I witnessed while at Cub Foods (I'll save the Cub vs Cubs rant for another time).
While standing in the checkout line I peered through the large glass window in the front of the store in time to see a large lady parked in the closest parking spot loading the rest of the things in her trunk. After closing the trunk she proceeded to push the cart over the curb and onto the rocks in the median directly next to her car, rather than pushing the cart 50 feet to the nearest cart return.

I could easily get angry over their laziness. Instead chose to seek out a valuable lesson: That sometimes it only takes few extra small steps to change myself, my environment, and how others see me.

Its going to be a beautiful night, I think I'll take a walk.

Doing the Cha Cha

2010-04-05T09:33:00.000-07:00

I recently became an independent contractor for ChaCha.com. Its a text your question, get an answer kind of site, like KGB. You text in your question, a real person has it pop on their computer screen and they answer everything from "whats the twins score right now" to "why doesn't he like me?"
I make about 2 cents an answer, but some answers only take a couple of seconds to answer since I have access to the answers given to previously asked questions. Its not a bad thing to pick up if you're bored on a snowy/rainy day. I think I made about 20 bucks a week the last couple of weeks in my spare time.

As you can imagine, you get a lot of questions from teenagers. It is the questions from that age that make me laugh/concerned the most. I have seen 2 trends from the questions I get, and I thought I'd share.

1. Lock up your meds parents! Don't laugh at the PSA's about kids stealing pills from grandma. I can always count on a few questions during the time period between school getting out and parents getting home from work asking what Pill has "X" number on the side, is "X" color and can you get high from it?

2. Technology is hamstringing education. I get a lot of requests to summarize a chapter in the Great Gatsby or asked other questions that seem oddly close to questions I was asked in tests in middle/high school. If we wanted the answers to these questions we'd have to do them the old fashion way....buy the cliff notes.

3. I know I said only 3, but 80% of the questions with the word "does" in it, is spelled "dose". We can't even spell fowr letter words right.

Overall its been fun answering questions at ChaCha.com. You log on when you want, answer for as long as you want, and learn along the way. Did you know NCAA Basketball broadcaster Clark Kellogg is 6'7"? I didn't know either until someone asked me. Trying to remember the name of Kevin Garnett's High School? Want to know what movies and the times they're playing in Sioux falls, SD? Need a Chuck Norris Joke to lighten your day? Text it to 242242. Unlike KGB(.99 per question), Its free! Who knows, I might even be the one answering it!

The Ben Identity

2010-03-04T16:44:00.000-08:00

I got a phone call on Tuesday night from my dad. He was calling to relay a message from someone identifying himself as a welfare fraud investigator from Olmstead county (Rochester).

With my mind racing on what it could possibly be about, i called the number he had left. He said they were looking for me in Blue Earth County (Mankato) but they thought I had moved back home with my parents. He said that he had to serve me papers to appear in court in May, but didn't elaborate. He said he'd refer my paperwork back to his partner in Blue Earth County and I should hear back from him next week.
NEXT WEEK?
I got a random phone call out of the blue, saying i needed to appear in court for an ungiven reason. But I won't find out WHY until NEXT WEEK?
What was this about? Was my identity stolen? Did they get the wrong Ben Nelson? Helpless, I had to sit and wait......
Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep wondering what it could possibly be.
The next day I called the guy that I had talked to the day before to see if he would elaborate on what the summons was about. He was just as uninformative as the day prior.

Putting pieces together, I made the assumption that I was being summoned by Blue Earth County. So I called the Blue Earth County Attorneys office to see if I could get to the bottom of this. They said that they did have a affidavit for me to sign about a court case in which I was listed as a victim of a Mr Gleason. Talking with Lisa, the person assigned to the case, she asked me to send her pictures of the scars on my face. She also said the court date was in May, as referenced by the process server that I had talked to on Tuesday. But she said the Ben they were looking for was in California.
They obviously had the wrong guy. However, Lisa said that they had not sent out a summons for this case, so no one should have been looking for me. She also said that they don't use private investigators, so the person looking for me, wasn't from this case.

So I was back to square 1 with even more questions than answers. I decided to follow up with the Blue Earth County Sheriffs office to whom Lisa said was holding the affidavit for me (well the other Ben Nelson) to sign. According to the Sheriffs office, they had nothing for a Ben Nelson to sign and there was no summons for a Ben Nelson, directly contradicting the County Attorneys office.

Frustrated, I gave up and just decided to wait until next week, and be served the papers from the Blue Earth private investigator.

Before coming into work this evening, i received a phone call from the local process server that I wasn't expecting until next week. He wanted to meet me and give me paperwork for the exact case I talked with the Blue Earth County Attorneys office about. He was looking for a Benjamin Joesph Nelson born 2 years after me.

One kicker is that about 2 years ago I hired a Benjamin Joseph Nelson at FedEx that was 2 years younger than me. So not only was i mistaken for him, but our paths had crossed before.

Even though its been sorted out and I know I have nothing to worry about, I still have a ton of questions. Like how did the system fail so bad that talking to 3 different parties about the same case, none could come to a consensus. Why did someone contact my parents, Identifying himself as an Olmsted County Welfare Fraud investigator?

As frustrated as I am, I can't help but laugh when im reminded of Allen's line in The Hangover "Classic Mixup"

How close is too close?

2010-03-04T06:35:00.000-08:00

Last night, for the second home game in a row, the Minnesota State Men's Basketball team lost a game in the closing seconds. For a team that has mostly dominated their NSIC competition, MSU has yet to show that they can hit that cold blooded shot as time expires, or make the big defensive stop when it counts.

The average margin of victory for MSU this season has been in the neighborhood of 20 points. But the last couple of home losses in close games is a concern as they enter the NCAA tournament next week.

Sunday the Mavericks will find out if they will host the regional tournament, or will hit the road in their pursuit of an NCAA DII Title. With other regional front runners Mesa State and Augustana also getting knocked out of the first round of their conference tournaments, my money is on MSU still hosting despite the loss.

Netflix...those Inglorious Bastards

2010-02-24T08:35:00.000-08:00

On December 15th the movie inglorious bastards was released to DVD. A few days earlier, I had it in my Netflix queue. When it release its expected availability was "Very long wait" which according to nextflix "30 days, usually less". Two months later, its status "very long wait".

I'm typically a big fan of Netflix. I even bought a blue ray player with internet availability to stream movies directly to my TV. Recently I've streamed 5 seasons of the TV show lost.

But right now, it seems my best case senerio to see a good new release is 3 months or a quarter of a year AFTER it was released to DVD and they know it. When you click on "new releases" all of the A-list movies aren't even listed. They instead steer you towards the B-list releases as if they are what you were really looking for.

Other new releases that are in my queue yet not available That weren't even blockbusters:

And reminder, Very long wait = about a month.

Couples Retreat - Released Feb 9 - Very long wait

ZombieLand - Released Feb 2 - Very long wait

Paranormal Activity - Release Dec 29 - Very long wait

I can only imagine the wait for "Up in the air", the next movie i really want to see.

Perhaps my expectations are too high, but I continue to see prices of media access (cable, internet, netflix) going up, without quality and availability moving along with it.

Delivering the shopper vs littering

2010-02-24T07:47:00.000-08:00

Here is the deal..... pardon the pun.

As i stepped out of my front door this morning, only to trip over a shopper wrapped in one of those weather condoms. I walked further down my front step to see another one in the snow in my yard.

I take partial blame, I don't always pick them up on my walk into the house, and throw them away. But then again, why should I have to? I did not ask for this role of ads to be thrown on my front lawn. In my whole time in mankato, i have never read one.

I can't just start throwing things on peoples lawns without getting ticketed for littering. So why can they? Can I gather up all the ones thrown in my yard, and throw them in the yard of the guy delivering them? Can he get mad or should he just be grateful for all the money I just saved him?

I hope you can reference this rant when you hear on the news "Man trips and dies, reason is classified"

No news is Good news.

2010-02-02T09:52:00.000-08:00

Stepping away from Sports, Sports, Sports, Sports for a second to take a brief look at the rest of the news.

Its True.

Ignorance is bliss.

Over the past couple of years, I've tuned out of the news.

Not that I don't care about being informed, I just don't want to be mis-informed. It is almost impossible to read or view a news story that doesn't have some sort of political slant to it.

CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, Telemundo, they all inject a political view into even non-political stories. Each network also parades out their best pundits to either rial up the opposing political view, or stroke the egos of those who agree.

This has turned any kind of rational political discussion into a vomit-fest. Each side regurgitating the same talking points they heard on their respective network the night before.

So I confide in sports. Why? Because it doesn't really matter.

Subtraction by Addition?

2010-02-02T09:17:00.000-08:00

Rumors continue to swirl about a Mauer deal in the works, with both sides inching ever closer to a long term deal. WCCO's Mark Rosen, aka Joe Mauer's real father, has stated for months now that a 10 year deal is in the works. But only recently has WCCO actually gone with that as a story. The report was immediately scoffed at by ESPN's Buster Olney, and Joe Christiansen of the Star Tribune, them citing their own sources to the contrary.

Rewind to this past summer:

Rosen was among the first to actually accurately report the Favre agreement. A report that was blasted by the national media who failed to get it right, time after time, only to have Rosen proven right a short time later.

Whether a deal is done or not, the two sides have been talking.

The recent Thome signing and current Orlando Hudson speculation leads me to think the Twins are taking a Subtraction by addition approach. Subtracting the, no doubt, enormous Mauer asking price, by adding talent in other areas.

When asked if he wanted to stay at home in MN, or Win, Mauer answered with a question of his own: "Why can't we do both"

I think the Twins are wisely bringing in talent, realizing that a supporting cast, is just as important as a deep wallet when it comes to signing Mauer and securing the fan base for years to come.

And We're baaaack.

2010-02-01T10:45:00.000-08:00

Like the Vikings Bryant Mckinnie, I stopped caring about football in the middle of last week. But unlike Mckinnie, i stopped twittering as well. The only player that i've ever heard of being kicked off a pro bowl team, Mckinnie has added insult to injury for Vikings fans.

In response to criticism for missing 4 out of the 5 pro bowl practices and not showing up for the team photo, Mckinnie tweeted: "HATERS MAKE ME STRONGER SO THANX 4 THE FAVOR! I DON'T BREAK SUCKAS"

Haters? Your first pro bowl selection, you spent all of your time partying, not showing up to practices, and then pulling out the "I'm injured" card after people finally became fed-up. People that call you out on that aren't "haters", they're just calling a douche bag a douche bag.

I can't show up one day out of the work week, and then call the HR department haters when I get fired.

I think removing the word "pro" from his Pro Bowl Selection would be accurate.

I guess I would be more upset about his representation of my favorite team if this years pro bowl setup wasn't already a joke.

This is the first year the Pro Bowl has come BEFORE the Super Bowl. Which may sound like a good idea, to keep a captive football audience in the bye week prior to the super bowl.

This leaves out the logic that the best two teams will not only have the most pro bowl selections, but will be playing the following week in the Super Bowl and won't have their selections attend. If the Vikings had made it to the Super Bowl 10 pro bowl selections would not have played.

Despite that flawed logic, the masses tuned in anyway to watch their favorite pro bowl replacement, replacement, play a half hearted football game. Unfortunately the ratings were up over years past, assuring the same format next year.

All the Negativity thats in this town Sucks! (Mankato Edition)

2010-01-27T10:37:00.000-08:00

The Vikings are done, Timberwolves are horrible, and the Wild are treading water. If you're waiting for those three to come walking through the door with a championship you're going to get grey and old.

Rick Pitino had it right. Stop worrying about what you don't have and look at what you do have.

Minnesota State's mens basketball team is 17-1 is atop the NSIC, and is the 5th ranked DII basketball team in the country.

Coach Matt Margenthaler, now in his 8th season, has continued his tradition of putting a exciting basketball team on the floor.

Minnesota State never seems to re-build, just reload. Players like Jefferson Mason, Travis Nelson, Jermaine Davis, and Jesse Clark, may not be household names, but they bring the tempo, and excitement that fans crave without the price tag they don't.

Also don't forget MSU's Women's Basketball Team. I have only three words to describe them: Defending, National, Champions.

This weekend the Mavericks take on Bemidji State on Friday and the Univeristy of Minnesota - Duluth on Saturday with both womens games starting at 6:00pm, Men at 8:00pm.

Check out more at www.msumavericks.com

Mankato sports fans, don't stay negative about what you don't have. Go down to the Taylor Center this weekend and cheer on what you do.

Outside of Mankato: you have pockets of positivity to hold on to as well. You just need to look for it, even if its a local high school team.

You betcha Minnesota Signed Thom-Eh.

2010-01-27T06:05:00.000-08:00

Minnesota signs another aging veteran as Jim Thome agrees to a 1 year deal.

Pieces are in place?

Well, it certainly hedges the Twins bets that Delmon Young's bat will heat up and stay consistent. The low price tag of the deal makes it a no brainer. Thome will be making less than 1/2 of Nick Punto's salary.

Thome, who provides a solid bat against right handed pitching, also relieves the Twins right handed pitching of having to face him. Thome who is 12th on the all-time home run list (564) has hit 57 of those round-trippers off of Minnesota pitching, most of any other team in his career.

Some fans are scoffing at signing another aging player at the end of their career. But most of them will admit this isn't the Rondell White's, or Brett Boone's that have played that role for the Twins in recent history. And Unlike those previous players, (White and Boone), Thome has continued to produce after the MLB's crackdown on steroids.

The Twins are obviously excited about bringing Thome to Target field at a reasonable price. They've already implemented a Thome ticket deal, for 8 bucks you get a seat, the only catch is you have to move 1 section over when Thome comes to bat.

Despite this good signing, it only leads Twins fans to ask, when are we going to get to the one that really matters? When are we going to sign Mauer? The speculation continues to be an announcement at Twins-Fest. We'll just have to wait and see if they'll roll the stone away and announce he will be siteth in the right dugout Target Field almighty after this season.

The "Mission Miami" turns to "Target: Home Field Advantage"

2010-01-26T08:26:00.000-08:00

I had the opportunity to attend the Twins Winter Caravan last night. Aside from the Video promo, left over dome dogs, and canned questions to 'B' list Twins Players, the Caravan served a more valuable purpose. As a hope re-filling station.

Attendees, before arriving, likely pulled out and dusted off their favorite Twins clothing as they tucked their Vikings wear to the back of the closet for a 6 month hibernation. Perhaps their Favre Jerseys for good.

Conversations about football, fumbles, Favre and F-Bombs, turned to baseball, Bert, and blue skies. The hot dogs, chips and pop filled their stomaches, while talk of outdoor baseball re-filled their hopes.

Like an amusement park, we've just gotten off an up and down roller coaster, feel a little sick to our stomach, but run to get in line for the next one. I'm not sure if this 2010 Twins ride will have more ups than downs, but if the Vikings have taught us anything, its just to enjoy the ride.

Brett's career Favre from over?

2010-01-26T07:06:00.001-08:00

Out of all the things being talked about after the Vikings loss this past Sunday:

"Why did we throw there?" "Is AP ever going to hold onto the ball? "

One thing seems constant on everyones mind. "Well Favre come back? We need him back."

No one can argue against the fact that statistically he had an amazing season.

4202 Passing yards, 33 TD's, only 7 Int's

Favre is easily the most efficient passer the Vikings have seen since Dante Culpepper had close to the same numbers (3937 Passing yards 33 TD's and 16Int's) in 2000. A season that also resulted in a NFC Championship Loss. (The infamous 41-0 loss to the NY Giants)

Aside from the stats, Brett seemed to find a locker room and offensive scheme that he connected with. Anyone that has seen the human interest pieces that ESPN or Fox did throughout the season, showed how Brett has taken players like Harvin and Rice under his wing, elevating their game higher.

Very few signs exist as to Brett's plans on 2010, they are wishy washy at best. Former Packer teammate and Vikings kicker Ryan Longwell has said that Brett has had a lot of fun this season, and that he likely made up his mind to come back months ago. Though the words "Brett" and "made up his mined" would cause most to chuckle in skepticism.

I also saw on the ESPN crawler this morning that a Favre return is "very unlikely." Then again ESPN has gotten it wrong before. (See: Ed Warder).

The only thing we can all say with confidence is.....we don't know. Despite that, I'm still looking at this next season with cautious optimism.

Playing Ketchup

2010-01-25T08:39:00.000-08:00

This has been bothering me for some time now and now that I've started writing/ranting again, it needs to be addressed.

Why do I have to ASK for Ketchup when going through a drive through. They used to just throw a few packets in the bag. Never enough, but at least something.

They put ketchup inside the restaurant. Why? Because they obviously understand that it is the national condiment of choice for burgers and fries!

Even when you ask, they give you 2 packets wouldn't cover 4 fries. So you ask for more and you get a look like they're about to call the pit boss because you're cheating them out of precious ketchup.

Knowing this dilemma do I always remember to ask for my packets?

No! I drive away, forgetting to ask, because I'm in a hurry (hence the drive through)

I guess this is good enough reason as any to stop going to fast food places.

Trade AP?

2010-01-25T07:41:00.000-08:00

Ok before all Vikings fans throw me off the bandwagon (too late, jumped off seconds before the loss) hear me out. Also please understand I've had this take before the season started. Its not a knee jerk reaction to Sunday.

Take a look at all the major running teams in the this year NFL. Jets, Bungles, Titans, Vikings until mid season. They can put up a winning regular season, but when stacked up to a good passing team in the playoffs, they're overmatched, even with a good defense (in the case of the Jets).

Yeah I get his stats 18 TD's and 1300 yards.

Im sure 1/2 of those TD's could have been handed to pat williams on the goal line instead and have him roll into the end zone. Doesn't mean he is a good runner. Now lets subtract the TD's and yards given up after an AP Fumble. The Numbers fail to be as impressive.

We will be short 1 hall of fame after next year (if he even comes back for a 2nd). Why not trade AP while his stock his high enough to demand a good QB?

Recent history has shown a efficient passing offense is a winning team.

Twins Water Park, No Splashing!

2010-01-25T06:30:00.000-08:00

With my focus now set on Target Field and the Twins (in that order) I can't help but wonder why the Twins, year after year continue to NOT sign a big name free agent. The state invests tax payer $ into a building to make the Twins more revenue. They can at least make an effort to improve the product. Honestly, I challenge anyone to name a big name Free agent that they have wooed away from another team?

Perhaps they don't realize that even if the lakes are frozen, you CAN still make a big free agent splash. At least stop dicking around with Mauer and get him signed....NOW.

Give and Take

2010-01-25T05:31:00.000-08:00

As made the walk from my office, bitter cold wind blowing snow directly into my face and eyes, I thought back on all the things I like that were taken from me this weekend.

Friday night we said goodbye to Conan O'Brien and his run on the tonight show. Recently taking a job that allows me to stay up past 6pm, I've rediscovered my love for late night TV, only to have it taken from me a couple of months later. I'm now stuck with Leno again, who I'm certain owns more cars than has written funny jokes.

Saturday. My day off from most everything. My only responsibility was to produce a basketball game later that night. I was lucky enough to not only wake up with a headache but an upset stomach. I ended up spending the rest of the day doing shots of store brand pepto and generic tylenol (hey I'm on a budget here). I did feel well enough to get to the radio station, where I got to listen to the only college basketball team I give a damn about have their undefeated streak snapped.

Sunday. The Vikings game, though exciting throughout, ended in disappointment. The conclusion of that game took away my Vikings season, Super Bowl hopes, probably Brett Favre, and a good nights sleep all at once. I ended up staying up watching a movie, a few Hero's and Lost episodes finally falling asleep around 5am.

This morning I was woken at 6am to my alarm and meandered through my daily routine. Walked to my car to warm it up, noticing the door cracked open. It happens from time to time, my seat belt gets caught in the door stopping it from closing all the way. I opened it up to see the tray to my center console tray had been removed completely and was missing, along with its contents of about 1.78 in change. Other than that, nothing else missing. Well except my sense of security that we live an a safe neighborhood.

With my eyes watering from the wind and snow, I finally made it to the building, reminded life is full of give and take. Even if what you're given is a renewed sense of pessimism.